Quatre's Journal
by Sheiakurei
Summary: War has ended and the use for gundam or its pilots were gone. Where are they now?? Will Quatre ever reveal his feelings toward Trowa? Will Duo ever be able to forgive Heero for leaving? so much undone will be tied to ones confessions... 1x2, 3x4


~Authors notes~

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Author: Sheiakurei **e-mail**: sheiakurei@cs.com

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Category: Gundam Wing, Romance, Angst 

**Paring**: 3x4 1x2

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Warning: yaoi **Rating**: PG-13

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~Quatre's Journal~

Chapter 1

It was just about the end of the war now. Everyone lived in peace under Queen Relena's authority and the Sank kingdom was proclaimed center for world peace. The colonies signed a treaty with the earth's alliance and both lived in perfect harmony. No more bloody death. No more wars. No more mobile suites. No more.. Gundams.. 

The question is, now that its over, what would the war born soldiers do? Where are they? 

Most of them have left so much undone…

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It has been exactly 4 months since Quatre turned 18 and was officially the owner and head of the whole Winner family assets. Three years had now pass since the war between the earth and the colonies. 

He sighed as he sat in his chair, flipping and working through the papers in front of the desk before him. He tried hard to concentrate on his work but even his best attempts kept failing him. His mind was too distracted. 

//…I wonder how he is now… how all of them are..//

Startled, he sat upright, noticing that Rashid had enter his office. He didn't even notice his presence.. He quietly stood up, his long, luxurious golden hair draping over his shoulders gently. Blue green eyes, almost similar to turquoise, looked up at Rashid who appeared to be smiling in greeting to his young master. Well, young compared to him anyway. 

"Is there something wrong, Master Quatre?"

Shaking his head, he gave him a warm smile indicating he was fine. "Just thinking"

"About what?"

"Well… I guess about-.."

"Trowa?"

Blinking, he chuckled softly and nodded. It has been brought to Rashid's attention that his young master had feelings toward the enigmatic, emerald eye boy. When he found out about it, he supported Quatre the best he could, the words used still embedded in memory…

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"People will judge you about what you feel for him, but in a larger sense, they wouldn't know a thing about the pain of hiding ones feeling, especially when its not quite accepted in this world. Is it your fault that the love you have happened to befall upon him? They will criticize you, but always remember that their not in the position that you are in and would know nothing about what you feel"

Quatre denied it at first but was quickly grateful for his servant or rather, his friend's understanding and compassion towards what he felt for his fellow ex-pilot. 

Still, Quatre hid his feelings from the uni-banged boy, knowing the consequences that would befall him if it got out in public. The fear of also loosing one's friendship and end with nothing at all but rejection was a pain that grasped Quatre's chest in a fierce ache. It was better this way. 

Although, it hardly mattered now, considering none of the ex-gundam pilots have made contact with each other. Aside form him and Duo that is. Occasionally, the braided, bundle of energy would visit his best friend and when in far reaches, they would just simply send letters to each other.

Duo was still the same. The one and only Shinigami, still full of life and energy. According to Quatre's knowledge, he now worked with Hilde in selling and fixing cars or any other fast moving object on the road. They were both living happily together and were as close as a brother and sister could be. 

Wufei, who had been working with Sally for some time now, was an agent in some government protection bodyguard. They were both the same as they can be. Though, the blonde boy's latest news was that Wufei had recently quit and went back to L5 colony, training a couple of students in the martial arts. 

As for Heero, who knows. 

Quatre glanced down at his work, slightly frustrated with himself. He was just unable to think or concentrate on anything. Something in his mind kept telling and reminding the blonde boy that today was special. 

//Why??..//

The taller man insisted that Quatre took a break from his desk and get a vacation. Simply shaking his head, he denied the suggestion. Suggestion after Suggestion was offered to Quatre by Rashid and after much persuasion he gave in to one of his ideas in taking the rest of the day off.

He took a stroll down the park, watching the kids play tag and run about the place. They were lucky. Children born in a time where it was peaceful and Quatre was intent on keeping the world as is. 

He smiled to no one in particular as the wind caressed his face ever so gently, his golden hair being lifted by its blow. It seemed to frame Quatre's face perfectly, making him glow and stand out in a crowd. He grew slightly taller for the past three years, but was still quite short from others and his body was well toned as before yet showed a manner of elegance and grace in every way. It seemed as if he was a totally different person when in truth, he was still the same Quatre even though physically there were slight changes. 

Scanning the area, his eyes fell upon a poster that seemed to grab his attention at first sight. The circus was coming into town for a performance. He wondered… and decided it was better off to let past feelings left in the past. Or was it? He still felt strongly for him… no matter how hard he denied it. 

Ignoring the poster, he proceeded to return home and take a long nap. Arriving back at the manor, he continued on towards his room. He sighed as slumped on his bed carelessly before noticing a letter on his desk. Raising a brow, he reached for the enveloped and quietly read the back, wondering who sent it. Turns out it was from Duo. 

Too tired to read it, he stretched his arms out to the desk and gently laid it back. 

//I'll read it later..// he though calmly to himself as he shifted to lay on his side, simply staring at the letter. His blue green eyes then landing its gaze on the calendar next to it.

He questioned himself on what was to befall his night. Any more parties? Balls? Conferences?

// I don't want to go in any of them..//

Then suddenly, a small note written on the side of the calendar struck him. This was the very day. The same date. 

//That was it! // He exclaimed in his mind, finally figuring out why this day stuck out to him. 

This was the day. This was the very same day Quatre ever laid eyed on a certain emerald eye boy that changed his life and feelings forever. 

He finally made a decision to cancel all other business for the day. At the moment, he just felt he had to go to the circus.. And maybe, just maybe he can say the three words he had been keeping from the taller boy for a long time. 

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…I love you..

-----------------------------------End of Chapter I------------------------------------

Authors notes:

Well, as usual, my first chapters kinda sucks but as always, I'd promise better chapters in the future. This is mostly dedicated to those who have been reading my current on going fic, _An Angels protection. _It's taking longer then usual for me to place in the next chapter for it and so I hope this new fic would intrigue you or keep you company for awhile as I decide what to do with my first one. 

Arigatou Gozaimasu!

p.s. Please post up your comments and review so I would know if I should continue or not. ^_^ 


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